Welcome to the Sign for Scotland blog!
We're a group for those within Scotland's 'SIGNING' Community who believe in Independence and want to fully participate in the referendum debate. We are open to everyone who is interested in promoting BSL, from those who use the language as their primary form of communication, to learners and well-wishers.
We would like to start this blog with the words ‘Dinnae
Panic’.This, we feel, will not only
make you more relaxed about independence, but also about the ragtag characters
who make up the ‘no’ campaign, thus turning any lingering frustration, anger,
bemusement and/or desire to end it all at how hopelessly incompetent that
shower at Westminster are, into the more positive act of actually doing
something about it and helping Yes Scotland.Just remember, Dinnae Panic.
The 'Hitchhiker's Guide to Independence' is available on all good planets.
Unlike the ‘Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy’, the
Hitchhiker’s Guide to Independence doesn’t begin with the construction of a
hyperspace bypass; indeed vast capital projects, which conveniently fall
outside the Barnett Formula and thus leads to no extra funding for Scotland,
Wales or Northern Ireland, tend to congregate within the M25 and rarely trouble
anyone outside this bubble.Everyone
accepts this because they have no choice but to accept it, making everyone
outside the bubble who isn't in Scotland angry at anyone who attempts to give themselves a choice
through independence because they can’t go with them, and everyone inside the
bubble angry because they don’t feel appreciated enough.Dinnae Panic.After independence all those people who feel angry at the people who
want to fix the problem will become angry at the things that deserve their anger,
making the world a better (and less angry) place.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Independence actually begins in
the Vogon Parliament, which is broadcast every day at 6:30 by the Galactic State
Broadcasting Corporation (northern regional office).The Vogon’s are responsible for the despair
of people in Scotland, primarily due to repeatedly subjecting them to ‘Vogon
Speeches’, which are widely considered to be the third worst form of political
speech in the known Universe.For
reference, the second worst speech makers are the Omni-Garblers of Alpha
Centauri, with number 1 going to Johann Lamont.
The Vogons, realising that their speeches and state
broadcaster were losing their effectiveness on the increasingly curious Scots,
turned to their ultimate weapon, a device known as the ‘infinite improbability
contrive’.The timing for this switch was
really improbable because until that very moment, the Vogons had been largely
uninterested in Scotland and more concerned about whether other countries were
worried about being beating up by them.
The infinite improbability contrive, which examines every
conceivable contrived question in the universe simultaneously, is the single most important piece of
technology available to the ‘no’ campaign, for it can calculate every
fantastically improbable situation that could befall Scotland should the people
who live here actually decide what they want to do.
The questions asked were so fantastical, that the ‘no’
campaign proved, beyond any doubt or argument, that no nation, including the Vogon
nation, can ever possibly survive if their people get to decide what
happens.Realising the enormity of their
mistake, the operators of the infinite improbability contrive switched the
machine off at question 507, and promptly placed it in a small cupboard next to
leaflets marked ‘you'll go bankrupt without a Triple A rating’.Dinnae Panic.The scientists who constructed the infinite improbability contrive were
so careful and precise in their work that the chances of it ever being wrong
are 2276709 to one, ironically making it certain that it is wrong.
Following the discovery that the infinite improbability contrive
was wrong, those individuals amongst the heroes who couldn’t take any more
headed for the Restaurant at the End of the Referendum and were served Pan
Galactic Gargle Blasters (a specialty at all 7 bars and 19 alcohol selling
restaurants within the Vogon Parliament) whilst muttering ‘I just want it all
to end!’Despite reports to the contrary,
we can confirm that the passage of time will be consistent between now and the
18th of September 2014, regardless of the number of Gargle Blasters
consumed, although a ‘no’ vote will set Scotland back 20 years.
"Milky-way milk, Sunday Sun Sundaes and Betelgeuse Beetles are all available...no tea," menu listing
We hope that this brief introduction to the Hitchhiker’s
Guide to Independence has been helpful to you.If, for reasons securing civil liberties, guaranteeing workers
rights, refocusing the Scottish economy to extract the best performance
possible, reforming the tax laws so that they work, having more choice, not
having the youth of Scotland sent into wars all around the world that we don’t want
to be part of, more control for local authorities, the creation of a wealth
fund that ensures that future generations benefit from our fantastic natural
resources, getting rid of David Cameron who would no longer tell us what to do,
getting rid of Alex Salmond who would almost certainly retire after
independence since that’s been his life’s goal, or not suffering Ed Miliband’s
undoubtedly doubt-worthy leadership, then you should spend the remaining days
before the referendum actually doing something positive and campaign with Yes
Scotland.Dinnae Panic, if we work hard
enough, then we’ll get a Yes vote.
But if, for the reasons of boredom, love of Westminster, happiness
at having Weapons of Mass Destruction at your doorstep, or just a deep longing
for Tuition Fees and Prescription Charges, you believe that this blog has wasted
your precious time and that you really don’t care who is in charge, then please
visit the Restaurant at the End of the Referendum, enjoy your drink and be
thankful for the cuts, wars and tax rises that are coming your
way…unfortunately, unlike the infinite improbability contrive, they aren’t